More unnecessary deep thinking.

For the past few months, getting close to a year now, I've been in the process of growing out the relaxer in my hair.
Some people don't understand why I would ever do that (like my grandmother). She comes from the school of Do Whatever Necessary to Get Rid of Unacceptable Nappy Hair. And my mom kind of raised me slightly in that school of thought. Since I was little I've been having chemicals put in my hair, and that was just what it was, I thought that was just the way of life. I never really thought about it until my friend started growing out her natural hair. Then I began to notice the difference in healthiness between relaxed and natural hair. And in that time I'd also seen some pretty serious mishaps involving over-processed hair on women who have been doing that for years. You can still make your hair "straight" even if you don't have chemicals in your hair. I like my hair straight sometimes with my short haircuts and all but I really like my natural hair too, because it's me. So it's even BETTER to have that versatility when I want it!

Relaxing your hair is kind of like having an eating disorder or having obsessive or addictive behavior. You're unhappy with the natural state, so you do something about it that is damaging to it in the long run. And for most of us who grow our hair out it's hard to commit. Or you keep saying "After this next one I'm quitting". Why are we unhappy with the natural state? A huge part of it may be because we're trying to live up to society's standards of beauty. Sometimes among us, having that "good hurr" is an automatic equivalent to being beautiful. Another reason is manageability. It may be more time consuming to work with natural hair when you wash it and you want to straighten it, I won't lie I prefer to get that done professionally because I be struggling, but if I have to do it myself I will and I think it's worth it . but i think NATURE IS MAKING A COMEBACK! Slowly but surely, it seems like society is broadening it's horizons regarding beauty. Of course it's still skewed, progress is being made.


I must say, as small of a change as it is, it's been a huge part of my change in the feelings I harbor toward myself. It feels good to be freed from the possibly damaging (and kind of obsessive in a sense) behavior of relaxing my hair. Although it's kind of a superficial thing, we must remember that in most cases body image largely affects our image of self as a whole. I feel this is helping me accept and love how God made me. Don't get me wrong I still have gripes with the intangibles, but don't we all? I just don't need more unnecessary physical gripes to pile on top. :-)

Now please take note that while I'm now an advocate for naturalness, I don't hate on the relaxed hair. I understand! I just don't wanna see ya with damaged hair down the road!

Just Practicing.

A friend suggested I update this....
I was trying to make this blog relate specifically to just one topic. But I couldn't think of any one particular thing I wanted to talk about. I didn't want this to turn into just me sharing what I did today, who was a total witch to me today, or what boy I fell in love with. However, I do not have any topic that I am an expert on. And I have no talents that can be shared through blog, such as art, photography, etc. I don't know the lowdown on what celebrity forgot his or her panties today..... I'm not the most interesting person in the world, always doing cool things....
but i do like to write. so i guess this is just me practicing making my writing interesting.

i'm really not so interested in making it proper, or using big words. I want people to understand me, and HEAR me if ever I write for real for real. So yeah, I'll be writing about the normal boring things, but I'm trying to make it spicy. or stank, if you will.

I started dancing again! I've been making excuses as to why I can't return to dance for a good three years. I was always coming up with these reasons why it wasn't the right time. "I can't find the right class," "i don't want to dance under those circumstances," "i no longer have an extension," "i suck"... whatever. Then I remembered a conversation I had with someone. He was saying how I should dance again. the guy didn't REALLY know me like that. We were just in a situation where we were kind of living together for a few days (lol). don't ask questions. but anyhow, I was doing what I always do and counter every encouragement given to me with "but I can't because..." "see that won't work because...." ... and this guy says... "You're thinking too much, JUST DANCE". He didn't have to know me to say something that pierced me to the core. He wasn't the only person that has said something like this to me. Since then, many people have said that to me, and probably before then too, but it really stood out because he didn't know me and he could already tell I overanalyze everything. Overanalyzing gets in the way... if you THINK too much you don't have time to DO.

Although it was said in the context of dancing, it really shoots directly at the centerpiece of my way of living in GENERAL. I mean it took me a couple of years for it to sink in since I used to be really stubborn. (I am still a bit of a mule but I'm working on it). But when I was ready, I just went all up in it. When I was sitting here thinking I can't NOT dance anymore and at the same time countering it, my memory file brought up Mr. J. Elegido saying "You're thinking too much, JUST DANCE"... i took poetic license a bit with the memory and in my head i added a "dumbass" to the end for dramatic effect. He definitely didn't take it to that level. But it helped make the point to myself. haha. Sorry my brain is a little sideways...

I took a class with some familiar faces, and I haven't felt that good in a very long time. I'm sure it's been years. I realized that dance is the reason why I live in the past. I remembered all these good memories, and most of them were dance related. Life seemed better in general when I was dancing because I was happier. I can't believe I used to COMPLAIN about it. I'm sure if I do it enough, i'll start complaining again because that's just how life works. But at least I have the experience of knowing what it's like NOT to dance under my belt, and maybe that'll help put things back into perspective when I start talking crazy, like "I HATE DANCE".

The only way I'll say I'll never dance again is if my feet are guilty. Because everyone knows that "guilty feet have got no rhythm"....
(George Michael reference)

Life looks much better from the dance floor.

PS. Ryan Leslie concert coming up. expect to hear things.

I love coffee but sometimes it makes me sick.

I was reading my weekly tabloids when he asked "Are you waiting for someone?". Unsure of why he was asking and maybe a pinch creeped out, I replied "Uh, not really... I guess not... no." He took the liberty of resting his haunches on the chair next to me.
"Do you mind?" he asked, although I could tell he already zeroed in on the fact that I would never have had the courage to say that I did mind.
"No, it's cool". As awkward as I felt, I wasn't completely lying when I said it was cool. A little company never hurt anyone.
"Do you like Jason Mraz?" he asked, squinting at a rack of CDs that were for sale.
" I did." I wanted to elaborate but my brain was too busy thinking about how random this whole think was to think of something clever to say.
"Aren't you going to ask me anything?" There was no smirk on his face. Usually they twist their faces up into a disgusting smirk that all but says Aren't I Cute? This one wasn't smirking. I found his expression of genuine concern almost as disturbing as the smirk. " You really can ask me anything."
"What do you think I should know about you?"
"I love coffee but sometimes it makes me sick."
I think we were supposed to fall in love, but when I noticed that he was drinking a large coffee I left. I didn't want to see him get sick.